Chris Sheppard

Curse ye Double Parkers!

My wife has really run with this whole neighborhood watch. I suspect she may be leading a double life as a local crime fighter. I considered her example and how I too might contribute to society as I patrolled a parking lot for a free space. I came upon a pretentious double parked SUV. I had nothing with which to write the owner a nasty note, nor time to damage his vehicle. All I could do was stew in my impotent road parking lot rage. As I watched Madison practice at the stunt clinic I began to formulate a solution to my problem. I decided I would keep a short stack of notes to leave on cars I find double parked. Flyin’ Bryan helped me articulate my rage into appropriate curses. I included one on each note. Below are a few samples. Here is the complete set.

You are selfishly consuming two parking spaces. Learn to park or let someone else drive. I sentence you to an underwater vacuum sealed mortuary with the ghosts of a thousand filthy hippies.

and

You are selfishly consuming two parking spaces. Learn to park or let someone else drive. May your breath continuously reek of the meat of the Mujahmjah bean.

…and there’s more where that came from!