Elise Enjoys May
May is all about Elise. Last Sunday was Mother’s Day. Yesterday was her birthday. Next weekend is our anniversary. I have to make a big show for each event if I hope to have her reciprocate in June.
Each event featured some unexpected attention. Madison’s friend, Jessica, joined our celebration on Mother’s Day. Yesterday Elise’s class showered her with birthday gifts. They participated with such enthusiasm, they nearly over shadowed the arty mug the kids and I gave her. Next week we plan to escape to a bed and breakfast in Washington, GA.
Vet Visits and Dog Treats
Who can put a price on the health and comfort of their dog? Apparently Elise can. Some dog owners avoid Frontline during the winter for health issues. We were just negligent, and flea season started before we could cover our mistake. Dooley caught the worst of it: bald, pink, slightly swollen and shivering. He has sensitive skin and an immune deficiency. I came home with bag full of in veterinary supplies and a $600 bill.
The dogs averted my wife’s wrath by quickly pointing out the trip wasn’t exactly a day at the spa for them. Such loyalty. They went on and on about how neither enjoyed being poked or prodded. Indeed, both despise taking the complex combinations of pills they must take thrice daily. Gracie is more receptive now that I coat my fists in peanut butter but Dooley cares less about tasty treats. By the time I wrestle the pill down Dooley’s gullet I have a small dog coated in a thin peanut butter glaze.
Gracie! We don’t eat our Dooley. No, not even a nibble. Oh, alright …Om nom nom nom.
Verizon’s Lame SMS Policies
Cell phones are standard parenting equipment. Kids can wander far from the house yet never be out of ear shot when an emergency arises. The phone means security to parents. It means freedom and power for kids. Madison was recently caught abusing her phone privileges. The evidence were text messages left in her inbox. It is nearly impossible to catch these incriminating messages because she is smart enough to promptly delete them.
I called Verizon to learn of any service that might let me review her text messages on-line or possibly have them forwarded to my phone. I’d expect something like this given Verizon charges $655.36 for 1 MB of text messages. The representative informed me that Verizon did not provide these kinds of services because each would be an invasion of privacy. Excuse me? I explained that I was her legal guardian and paid for the account. He explained that I would need a warrant in order to see the messages since I am not the owner of the phone. I thought I might register her phone in my name. I asked if Verizon could disclose to me my own text messages since there would be no privacy issue. He answered that the only way to view the message was on the phone or with a warrant. I find it hard to believe Verizon does not keep a record of these tiny messages. Google grants me 7 gigabytes of space for free. Verizon charges us a 7314% markup on data costs to send these God forsaken tendy messages. (Not that I’m bitter.)
American concept of “right to privacy” is a load of crap. You get back here young lady! Don’t think I won’t pursue that warrant!
04.28.08Wife 2.0
My old wife broke. She was under warranty, but they discontinues that particular model so I’ve been upgraded to Wife 2.0. New wife is so much better than old wife! Compare:
Old Wife
New Wife
Party Procedures and Asthetics
My son is throwing his first “party”. I believe he intends to break from the “cake and games” and turn more towards “girls and music”. Party planning has been a very humbling process. all my contributions reveals how out of touch I am with what is “cool”.
Some examples: We checked Noah out of school without giving him notice. This prevented him from introducing himself to two students he planned to invite to his party. I suggested he invite them as a means of making friends. Evidently that’s a big pre-party foul. It would be “awkward”. He asked if I had ever been invited to a party where I knew no one and to his surprise I had–several times. He follows up with a no-win question: “were you my age when this happened”? We’ve had enough of these conversations for me to know how this particular questions plays out. If I say “no” then my arguments aren’t valid because of the age difference. If I reply “yes” then he will explain how things have changed since I was his age.
I could not get Noah to help with th invitations, so I was forced to work on them alone. I knew I ought not describe it as a “birthday party”. That would be infantile. I stuck to a simple, plain design. Any graphics or fonts might trip my sons ever-so-sensitive coolometer. He’s invited about ten kids. Two are white girls. The rest are asian boys that like video games. I thought it might be cool to play a 10-man Super Smash Brother Brawl tournament with a cash money prize during the party. Noah tried to politely tell me it wasn’t a “video game party” and I should also remove the phrase “food, music and fun” from the invitation. That left nothing but a bare skeleton of the most crucial information on the invitation. Whatever.
This afternoon he built the party play list from our massive music collection. He finds 1.5 hours of music before he apologetically informs me that nearly all the music he selected are songs I did not rate well, implying our tastes were worlds apart. The truth is I rated 68% of the songs he selected 4 or more stars. Only 3 tracks have bad ratings. It grates me because Noah tends to see what he wants, and I suspect he wants to believe his tastes are different from mine. I know, I know: Time to let the boy spread his wings, express himself and whatnot. I just wish he could look objectively at the aesthetics, rather than choose crap on a stick just because I didn’t. I was mildly relieved when he turned down his sister’s aid as well. Madison is very in touch with the young teen scene–especially neutral, peppy party music. So what made his play list? Lots of Cake, a smidge of Weezer, Don’t Go There by 24k, Julianne and Babylon Zoo. The irony, it’s crushing me.