As the dental hygienist made conversation she made a passing mention at the volume of business the dentist oversees near Christmas. She could not understand why so many people scheduled dental appointments around the holidays. I politely explained that dentists were in a service industry, yet they work the same hours as their clients. Hence, the clients must use their time off to schedule service. I compared it to banks, who have recently begun to change their schedules. Although my point was valid I probably should have held my tongue until she was finished wielding those sharp instruments in my mouth. Mental note: dental hygienists are very protective of their office hours.

First a few definitions: Shame comes from feeling unworthy, embarrassed, disgraced or responsible for an offense. Repentance means to be motivated by shame to change one’s mind. It implies an effort to avoid or counter the shameful act in the future. To clarify, repentance does not imply success. It merely implies effort.

Be definition shame must precede repentance, if only momentarily. Yet the two are meant to be mutually exclusive. A repentant soul shouldn’t be ashamed. In fact, any shame that remains in a repentant heart is the unhealthy sort meant to destroy us from the inside out. There is no truth or value to those internal accusations.

Shame can blind people to their own worth and obfuscate the most obvious solutions. It is our job to help guide ashamed people so they find quick and free release through repentance. We are also obliged to help people let go of residual shame once they have repented. People that deny or disbelieve heartfelt apologies seal shame and repentance in the same heart and are responsible for the damage done within.

It is silly to expect repentance from someone who feels justified or proud of their actions. I propose it is better to convince them of their shame first. If a child lies without remorse, shouldn’t we tell them they are a liar and treat them as untrustworthy. The goal isn’t to destroy their ego. Repentance is quick and free, even if it isn’t always easy. Sometimes I get the impression society expects us to preserve our children’s egos at the expense of their souls. If shame doesn’t come naturally and we can’t push them towards it then how will they ever learn and grow?

!?

My original 5-year plan outlined things like babies and family finances. While Elise thinks the plan is swell, she points out my financial numbers don’t quite add up properly. I never was much of a mathamagician. The plan presumes we’ll both be able to work in some capacity but there are no local family members we can leave the tyke with during the week and we can’t let the little guy waste all those “precious moments” on strangers. Elise is confident that next year we will be in a better position to risk a single family income. I’m certain she means well, but each passing day she is exposed to the most potent form of birth control: a pair of teenagers. For this reason I’ve constructed my own high-tech solution to accelerate us to fiscal stability: Internet Panhandling! Potential corporate sponsors, imagine the publicity if I were to name my child after your company …all for a small donation, of course.

As Maude Flanders once put it, “Won’t somebody please think of the children!?”

I called Verizon to learn of any service that might let me review her text messages on-line or possibly have them forwarded to my phone. I’d expect something like this given Verizon charges $655.36 for 1 MB of text messages. The representative informed me that Verizon did not provide these kinds of services because each would be an invasion of privacy. Excuse me? I explained that I was her legal guardian and paid for the account. He explained that I would need a warrant in order to see the messages since I am not the owner of the phone. I thought I might register her phone in my name. I asked if Verizon could disclose to me my own text messages since there would be no privacy issue. He answered that the only way to view the message was on the phone or with a warrant. I find it hard to believe Verizon does not keep a record of these tiny messages. Google grants me 7 gigabytes of space for free. Verizon charges us a 7314% markup on data costs to send these God forsaken tendy messages. (Not that I’m bitter.)

American concept of “right to privacy” is a load of crap. You get back here young lady! Don’t think I won’t pursue that warrant!

Some examples: We checked Noah out of school without giving him notice. This prevented him from introducing himself to two students he planned to invite to his party. I suggested he invite them as a means of making friends. Evidently that’s a big pre-party foul. It would be “awkward”. He asked if I had ever been invited to a party where I knew no one and to his surprise I had–several times. He follows up with a no-win question: “were you my age when this happened”? We’ve had enough of these conversations for me to know how this particular questions plays out. If I say “no” then my arguments aren’t valid because of the age difference. If I reply “yes” then he will explain how things have changed since I was his age.

I could not get Noah to help with th invitations, so I was forced to work on them alone. I knew I ought not describe it as a “birthday party”. That would be infantile. I stuck to a simple, plain design. Any graphics or fonts might trip my sons ever-so-sensitive coolometer. He’s invited about ten kids. Two are white girls. The rest are asian boys that like video games. I thought it might be cool to play a 10-man Super Smash Brother Brawl tournament with a cash money prize during the party. Noah tried to politely tell me it wasn’t a “video game party” and I should also remove the phrase “food, music and fun” from the invitation. That left nothing but a bare skeleton of the most crucial information on the invitation. Whatever.

This afternoon he built the party play list from our massive music collection. He finds 1.5 hours of music before he apologetically informs me that nearly all the music he selected are songs I did not rate well, implying our tastes were worlds apart. The truth is I rated 68% of the songs he selected 4 or more stars. Only 3 tracks have bad ratings. It grates me because Noah tends to see what he wants, and I suspect he wants to believe his tastes are different from mine. I know, I know: Time to let the boy spread his wings, express himself and whatnot. I just wish he could look objectively at the aesthetics, rather than choose crap on a stick just because I didn’t. I was mildly relieved when he turned down his sister’s aid as well. Madison is very in touch with the young teen scene–especially neutral, peppy party music. So what made his play list? Lots of Cake, a smidge of Weezer, Don’t Go There by 24k, Julianne and Babylon Zoo. The irony, it’s crushing me.

• Faith makes all things possible, not necessarily easy.
• Live, Laugh Love
• Good things happen over coffee.

Today I found a phrase I would like displayed prominently somewhere in the house: “When a wise man and a fool argue, no one can tell the difference.” Many people in our house feel they can relate, but none of us agree who is the fool.

Best cover what they can understand. This issue may be what fuels their interest in the other subjects. I figure I will continue the conversation little-by-little over our evening meals. Chances are Madison would resent even a short family meeting as some punishment and be less likely to speak her mind in the future.

My primary goal is to make clear that I am less concerned with their conclusions as I am by how they reach those conclusions. I hope to use this subject to teach them to value truth. I need them to identify weaknesses in their own conclusions rather than ignore them. There is no shame in answering “I don’t know” or “maybe”. It takes a big man to admit there are things he isn’t sure about.

I plan to start by discussing the essence of science: the scientific method, the role of observation and the nature of theories. From there I will move to my trademark talk about philosophers and sophists. My children already have a basic understanding of the two theories. I’ll use that to help explain why this debate is such a hot topic. What is each person fighting for? What is at stake? Finally I will explain how the debate regarding intelligent design often bounces between two separate issues: the origin of the universe, and the origin of species.

True, I buy into the creation account in Genesis, but only because there is no evidence in the text that indicates it is allegorical. All other symbolic stories (Revelation, Jesus’s parables) are wrapped in passages that identify them as such. Genesis bleeds into history we accept as fact. Be that as it may, I am well aware and won’t deny all the well crafted arguments that support a Big Bang, prehistoric Earth and macroevolution. Let us all hope it is enough to show them the twisted, selfish fight this noble pursuit has become. May they never enter the ring.

Here is the latest commercial from Dove’s campaign. I wish them the best. The video itself struck a chord in me, which was amplified by this link that found it’s way on my desktop the next day.

When we learn to laugh at ourselves, we are free to be human. The proud are easily mocked and scorned. When we embrace our foolishness, it is more difficult to shame us with it. I pity these shallow people for they have forged their own chains. Everyone is keen to the threat posed by others with vices similar to their own. Let me clarify with some examples. I was a nosy child, so I carried a deep-seated fear people would go through my stuff. I know liars that have issues trusting others. Likewise, shallow people assume everyone is as critical and unforgiving as they are. They are never free to be human and embrace real life. I imagine this fuels their bitter downward spiral.

The schools I attended did not emphasize building student’s character. Most of the rules I remember being enforced were designed to control and protect students and faculty or facilitate learning. The psychological tactics plastic people use often fall between the rules that are enforced. Even the most damaging offenses sound petty when brought before an authority. When I was young I was discouraged by what I perceived as their prosperity. I was so mislead I even adopted some of their values. Now I see the real fruits of that lifestyle. They never learn to love. Rather they endure relationships with people as selfish and loathsome as they are. They never serve a cause greater than themselves. They grow neurotic from trying to maintain a facade of perfection: never misstep; never exhale; never relax.

I am grateful that my children are humble and free. They know plastic people and have experienced their venom. Although I know the natural consequences of a shallow life, I still find it hard to forgive them and wish them well in my prayers. When my children turn to me for advice I don’t have easy responses. The godly response I must recommend isn’t one I understand. At that point it’s clear I’m asking them to be better people than I am.

As the months past, his parents grew concerned regarding the boy’s happiness. They did all they could to please him. They only served his favorite meals and tucked him in like a little burrito every night. They even brought home a young basset hound puppy named Gracie. Gracie fell hopelessly in love with the young boy. He fed her dog treats. They chased each other around the house. He would rub her belly and she licked his face. The boy and his dog were inseparable.

Two years later the boy located his true parents! They were both super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spies that fought for justice in the game Runescape. They were more than mere administrators. The pair owned a unique device that digitally transported them into the game world. They asked him to come live with them, so they might train him to follow in their super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spy footsteps. He turned to tell his old family he had to leave them, but Gracie did not seem to understand. She turned her big head and said “Rooowr?”

He turned to the other family to consider what he might gain there. They told him he would have to play lots of Runescape if he were to become a super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spy. He may even need to neglect his homework for the good of the realm! He looked back at Gracie. She stuck her rear in the air and called back to him “Wroff! Wroff! ….Rrruff!”

His newly discovered father touched his shoulder and pointed out that they had a strict diet of cheese and bread. They could not stand to see an animal hurt. Just then Gracie pounced the young boy and slathered her tongue all over his face. Her tail emphatically swung to and fro. Just then his super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spy parents understood.

“Son”, his newly discovered mother began, “We can’t bare to see this dog emotionally hurt through your absence, yet we don’t have time to take care of her–with all the player killers and hackers we bring to justice. You must stay here and tend to this noble beast. This is for the best. I suspect nothing we might offer you could replace the love Gracie has for you.” He gave her a short nod. As his newly discovered parents drove off in their tofumobile, his mother leaned out the side and called out to him, promising to write often.

The boy and his dog were truly happy.