A Boy and His Dog
This is the story of a boy. Although this boy was content, he was not truly happy. He was different than the rest of his family. He yearned for the comfort of someone he could relate to. He was so different from his parents and siblings, he suspected he may have been adopted. In an effort to find true happiness, the boy spent his spare time hunting for his real life parents.
As the months past, his parents grew concerned regarding the boy’s happiness. They did all they could to please him. They only served his favorite meals and tucked him in like a little burrito every night. They even brought home a young basset hound puppy named Gracie. Gracie fell hopelessly in love with the young boy. He fed her dog treats. They chased each other around the house. He would rub her belly and she licked his face. The boy and his dog were inseparable.
Two years later the boy located his true parents! They were both super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spies that fought for justice in the game Runescape. They were more than mere administrators. The pair owned a unique device that digitally transported them into the game world. They asked him to come live with them, so they might train him to follow in their super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spy footsteps. He turned to tell his old family he had to leave them, but Gracie did not seem to understand. She turned her big head and said “Rooowr?”
He turned to the other family to consider what he might gain there. They told him he would have to play lots of Runescape if he were to become a super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spy. He may even need to neglect his homework for the good of the realm! He looked back at Gracie. She stuck her rear in the air and called back to him “Wroff! Wroff! ….Rrruff!”
His newly discovered father touched his shoulder and pointed out that they had a strict diet of cheese and bread. They could not stand to see an animal hurt. Just then Gracie pounced the young boy and slathered her tongue all over his face. Her tail emphatically swung to and fro. Just then his super-vegetarian-cyber-ninja-spy parents understood.
“Son”, his newly discovered mother began, “We can’t bare to see this dog emotionally hurt through your absence, yet we don’t have time to take care of her–with all the player killers and hackers we bring to justice. You must stay here and tend to this noble beast. This is for the best. I suspect nothing we might offer you could replace the love Gracie has for you.” He gave her a short nod. As his newly discovered parents drove off in their tofumobile, his mother leaned out the side and called out to him, promising to write often.
The boy and his dog were truly happy.
Wardrobe Audit…
- 17 shirts: 2 long sleeved, 1 dress shirt
- 4 shorts
- 1 pair of jeans
- 4 boxers
- 6 1/2 pairs of socks
This is Noah’s most recent wardrobe audit. It is a concept I had never considered when I would imagine myself as a parent. The Barnette kids are always on the go. They alternate weekends between each parent’s home in addition to the typical family and friends they might stay with. It is important to teach them how to pack for a trip and how to return with what they left with. People often joke about how Madison is such a “thorough” packer. It should be no surprise that her brother is the complete opposite. There was a time when he did not care if he left for the weekend with nothing but the shirt on his back. He has improved tremendously since I have known him but like any 10 year old he tends to leave a few items behind with each visit. As weeks pass his wardrobe dwindles until this past weekend we found he didn’t have enough clothes to make 2 complete outfits. Now that we’ve accounted for all his clothes we can move forward with shopping for a new school wardrobe.
06.21.07Same Thing We Do Every Night, Pinky…
The thought of world domination strikes a pleasant chord within Young Noah. He enjoys tales of the British Empire and would happily discuss Germany’s failed attempts to expand their borders. He is also drawn to games where he takes the role of an ambitious conquerer. Risk embellished his diplomatic and military dreams. A few days ago I introduced him to Sid Meyer’s Civilization III. It is exponentially more detailed, allowing him to cater to domestic needs and opening a variety of non-military diplomatic options. He debates the merits of monarchy and republic. He warns me how Otto Von Bismark is cranky, unreasonable and quick to declare war. He explains how difficult it is to fight a war on two fronts.
The game tries to incorporate as many historical concepts as it can. His interest always starts with the game but immediately extends into the historical significance. Let me list a few examples. The game progresses through 4 different eras of civilization: Stone Age, Medieval Times, Industrial Age and Modern Age. It was the first he had heard of the Industrial Age, which prompted many questions. We talked about the social structure of the Medieval Times. We talked about German Panzer Tanks, Roman Legionaries, and the Zulu Nation. Each civilization races to be the first to construct “wonders” that bestow special benefits to that nation. He began to explore the history and importance of the Egyptian pyramids, the Great Wall of China and the Sistine Chapel. The historical significance wouldn’t be important if he were just playing the game to win, but Noah has stumbled upon something more. The game fuels his imagination, and history helps flush out the details. The game features a small but informative encyclopedia regarding the in-game and historical significance of everything it mentions. Noah (being Noah) isn’t as into “reading” about them as he is “talking” about them.
Lucky for us all, the game will most likely distract Noah well enough to render his global ambitions moot. In homage to Noah’s endless curiosity regarding the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, I have included a link to an excellent wikipedia article about just that.
04.13.07Noah-centric Universe
A few weeks ago Noah caused quite a stir when he mentioned he was neglected. The idea is laughable to anyone that spends time with his family, but the school administration was very concerned. In the end we discovered he did not understand what the term “neglect” meant in the context of child abuse. I wonder if he contributed to the national poll referenced in this article.
03.15.07Co-Parenting Cold War
The nature of co-parenting has been a prominent thought in my head for about a year now. Co-parenting is an unnatural abortion created when our noble and corrupt natures are forced to compromise. Our corrupt nature is the root of even the most amicable divorces. Public conscience has constructed a means ensuring the pair can share the blessings and burdens of rearing children caught in the crossfire of a divorce. Co-parenting isn’t the intended order of things, but it is necessary.
Love motivates married couples to trust, forgive and compromise. Despite all this, raising a child is still a challenge. Now consider people that were unable to trust, forgive and compromise in the name of love. How do they raise a child without these tools?
The politics of some divorces are similar to those exercised by two nuclear armed counties. Allow me explain. Should any country fire modern nuclear weapons everyone loses–even neighboring countries. (Modern nuclear warheads are exponentially more powerful than Fat Man.) Pressing the big red button is never really an option, and you pray the other fella always remains sane and calm enough to understand that. Couples that were once intimate are capable of critically wounding each other. Just as in a nuclear strike, such an attack hurts everyone: children, relatives, both co-parents. When disagreements arise or stress mounts, both hope the other is rational and responsible enough to keep the finger off the button. To that end both co-parents trust, forgive and compromise but the motivation is more fear than love.
I do not mean to imply that fear is the only emotion that rules co-parents. I imagine most couples relate to my analogy to different degrees. My cold war analogy contains other facets that shed light on the mechanics of many divorced parents. I have highlighted the simplest and most common.