Shame
I’ve done a great deal of thinking this year about shame. Is it counter productive or harmful? Is it ever appropriate? This past Sunday the brain cogs fell in place and the machine in my head finally turned out something worth sharing. My epiphany involves the relationship between shame and repentance.
First a few definitions: Shame comes from feeling unworthy, embarrassed, disgraced or responsible for an offense. Repentance means to be motivated by shame to change one’s mind. It implies an effort to avoid or counter the shameful act in the future. To clarify, repentance does not imply success. It merely implies effort.
Be definition shame must precede repentance, if only momentarily. Yet the two are meant to be mutually exclusive. A repentant soul shouldn’t be ashamed. In fact, any shame that remains in a repentant heart is the unhealthy sort meant to destroy us from the inside out. There is no truth or value to those internal accusations.
Shame can blind people to their own worth and obfuscate the most obvious solutions. It is our job to help guide ashamed people so they find quick and free release through repentance. We are also obliged to help people let go of residual shame once they have repented. People that deny or disbelieve heartfelt apologies seal shame and repentance in the same heart and are responsible for the damage done within.
It is silly to expect repentance from someone who feels justified or proud of their actions. I propose it is better to convince them of their shame first. If a child lies without remorse, shouldn’t we tell them they are a liar and treat them as untrustworthy. The goal isn’t to destroy their ego. Repentance is quick and free, even if it isn’t always easy. Sometimes I get the impression society expects us to preserve our children’s egos at the expense of their souls. If shame doesn’t come naturally and we can’t push them towards it then how will they ever learn and grow?
Dinner Talk: Intellegent Design
My son breached the topic of creation theories at dinner last night. He announced he is a staunch creationist. His sister quickly announced she believes in the big bang theory. What an exciting time to be a father! At first I was concerned they were too young to tackle such a weighty and confusing topic. They would need a basic understanding of physics, geology and chemistry in order to understand half the arguments.
Best cover what they can understand. This issue may be what fuels their interest in the other subjects. I figure I will continue the conversation little-by-little over our evening meals. Chances are Madison would resent even a short family meeting as some punishment and be less likely to speak her mind in the future.
My primary goal is to make clear that I am less concerned with their conclusions as I am by how they reach those conclusions. I hope to use this subject to teach them to value truth. I need them to identify weaknesses in their own conclusions rather than ignore them. There is no shame in answering “I don’t know” or “maybe”. It takes a big man to admit there are things he isn’t sure about.
I plan to start by discussing the essence of science: the scientific method, the role of observation and the nature of theories. From there I will move to my trademark talk about philosophers and sophists. My children already have a basic understanding of the two theories. I’ll use that to help explain why this debate is such a hot topic. What is each person fighting for? What is at stake? Finally I will explain how the debate regarding intelligent design often bounces between two separate issues: the origin of the universe, and the origin of species.
True, I buy into the creation account in Genesis, but only because there is no evidence in the text that indicates it is allegorical. All other symbolic stories (Revelation, Jesus’s parables) are wrapped in passages that identify them as such. Genesis bleeds into history we accept as fact. Be that as it may, I am well aware and won’t deny all the well crafted arguments that support a Big Bang, prehistoric Earth and macroevolution. Let us all hope it is enough to show them the twisted, selfish fight this noble pursuit has become. May they never enter the ring.
09.29.06A Brief History of Divorce
Divorce is so prevalent these days, it seems everyone I’ve met this past year has been involved in one. Many of those that have wrestled this topic are active Christians, which implies they value marriage. I wanted to know why they failed, how are they justified, and could they have been prevented …but these topics seem too sensitive to breach with most divorcees. Rather I did a little thinking on my own, mixed with a little reading. Most of it is still tumbling about my noggin’, but I thought I’d share what I learned about the history of divorce…
Until recently issues like birth, death, welfare and marriage were all within the church’s domain. Within the past century or so authority of these issues has passed to the state. The church was reluctant to issue divorces. The state took a similar stance, denying divorces unless one spouse had significantly violated the marriage agreement. Couples determined to separate would do so by any means nessesary, which often meant perjury …or worse!
09.5.04Church Greetings
The most useless part of any church service is the greeting. The idea is to provide a time for each person to get to know those people around them. I’ve yet to attend a church that allows more than 5 minutes for this part of the worship service. No more time is really needed. Strangers only smile, shake hands and occasionally exchange names (then promptly forget them). People usually spend the time speaking to those around them they already know, whom they most likely already greeted earlier that day. Occasionally those leader the worship service will attempt to remedy this problem. The best solution I experienced was when everyone was asked to only greet one person they did not know (or know well) and spend the 5 minutes talking to that person. This Sunday, we were asked to share an interesting fact about ourselves after our introduction. What a bad time for a brain fart. I could not think of one interesting thing about myself! Take heed, dear reader! There are two things the human mind can not conjure when they are needed: joke and interesting biographical facts. The solution is to think of them now. Take possession of them and call them your own! Here are mine:
Joke: So this sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender replies, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.” >drumRoll /<
Interesting Fact: I do not wear shoes while I am in the office.